It’s always easy to point the finger at an outside source and blame someone else for the things that go wrong in one's life. It’s even easier when it comes to love lives!
A lot of the time, there really are things beyond people's control that cause them to go through disappointing romantic periods, but it’s also possible that they're the ones sabotaging themselves.
There are lots of ways people ruin their own love lives, both consciously and subconsciously. And the longer they keep up behavior that only hurts them in the long run, the longer it’s going to be before they find that romantic happy ending.
Sabotaging one's own love life can come down to constantly accepting less than a person deserves, scaring a partner away, having negative beliefs that close them off to true love, and most importantly, repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
The best thing about being the one to sabotage one's own love life is that each person also has the power to fix it. If a person is their own problem, then they're also their own solution (thanks Megan from Bridesmaids).
Keep reading to find out what a girl does to sabotage her own love life without even realizing.
25 She Cares What Everyone Thinks Of Her Love Life
There will never be a time when every single person you know approves of your love life. No matter what you do and who you see, people will find something to pick at and judge you for. You might please one person with your choices, but repulse another, and vice versa. So don’t worry about what other people think of you are or are not dating. Have the kind of romantic life that you want with the type of person you want, regardless of what people say.
24 She Neglects Everything Else, To Go On Dates
At the other extreme, it’s also not a good idea to make dating your only priority. Even if your only dream is to get married one day, there should still be other things in life that you care about.
If your love life is the only thing that’s important to you, it’s going to hit really hard when you go through a romantic rough patch.
That might have a variety of negative effects on you and could actually make it harder to pick up again where you left off.
23 She’s Closed Off To Connection
A big part of being in a relationship is having the chance to connect with someone for whom you have feelings. If you refuse to connect and bond with the person you’re dating, you could end up really messing things up. There’s a chance that connection with you is the very thing they’re seeking, and being closed to it makes you more likely to get dumped by love interests who don’t think you have what they’re looking for.
22 Being Vulnerable Scares Her
There will come a stage in your love life where you have to be vulnerable.
If you aren’t prepared to take a risk and open your heart, you can’t expect to reap the benefits and progress forward.
Yes, there’s a chance you will get hurt when you open your soul to someone you care about, but there’s also a chance that you will find out that they feel the same, and that’s the best feeling there is.
21 She Fears Change
Sometimes people subconsciously sabotage their own relationships because they are scared of change. You might like your life the way it is, and don’t know what to expect if your relationship moves onto the next step. Rather than facing that fear of the unknown, you choose to ruin your own relationship and preserve life as you know it. That may be the easy option, but it’s probably not going to serve you in the end. Change is intimidating, but it can also be amazing. Embrace it!
20 She Avoids Conflict At All Costs
You can’t have a successful love life and avoid all conflict. It just doesn’t work like that. Even in the best relationships, there is going to be some fighting from time to time.
If you don’t want to deal with that side of things, then you won’t be able to grow as a couple and experience all the positive things that come out of that experience.
Avoiding conflict can keep your relationship is a limbo-like zone where things never get better or worse—they just stay the same.
19 She Won’t Leave Her Comfort Zone
Comfort zones and relationships do not go hand in hand. In truth, it can be very hard to leave your comfort zone, and this is actually something that most people struggle with. But of all the things in life that are comfortable, do you really want romance to be one? In our opinion, love should be nerve-wracking sometimes. You should get butterflies because you should care enough to be nervous. There should be times when you don’t know what’s happening and you don’t know what the day will bring. It’s no fun otherwise!
18 There’s An Endless List Of Excuses She Uses
It could be a sign that you’re actually the one who’s ruining things for your own love life if you keep coming up with excuses as to why you’re single.
Don’t get us wrong—if you are happier being single and genuinely don’t want to date, that’s more than fine.
But if you do want to date and keep putting it off by saying to yourself that you’ll do it when you’re thinner, or when you have a better job, or when you have a single girlfriend to go out with, or when you’ve cleaned your house, it’s very likely that you’re your own worst enemy.
17 She Can’t Distinguish Between Love And Lust
Not knowing the difference between love and lust is common, and can get you into a lot of trouble. If you’re always mistaking fun flings for true loves and vice versa, you’re probably going to end up pushing away the wrong people and getting very hurt in the process. Spend some time reflecting on how you really feel about the people you date, and what their actions reveal about how they feel. Keep the flings separate from the soulmates.
16 She Compares Herself To Her Friends
We all do it from time to time, but getting too caught up in comparing your own love life to your friends’ love lives is a recipe for disaster.
When you try to keep up with your friends, you end up dating people you don’t really care about and turning away people who might make you really happy.
Plus, you might spend a lot of time feeling bad about yourself for not having the kinds of relationships that your friends have, but in reality, you don’t know what really goes on behind closed doors.
15 She Has No Control Over Her Emotions
In life, it pays to be emotionally intelligent. There are lots of advantages to being able to contain your temper and negative emotions, and dealing with your feelings in a healthy way rather than letting them control you. The same goes for your love life. Having no control over your feelings and lashing out at your dates when you feel upset or threatened will probably set you back in the long run. You don’t have to be a robot, but you’ll make better decisions if you can think rationally without being influenced by emotion.
14 Perfection Is Important To Her
Refusing to settle for less than perfection isn’t a good idea. Why? There’s no such thing as perfection, at least when it comes to humans. Everybody is going to have some kind of flaw that gets on your nerves.
If you wait for perfection, you’ll wait forever.
That said, you don’t have to date someone you’re not attracted to, or put up with things that make you genuinely unhappy. It’s about accepting things about the person you like overall.
13 She’s Stuck In An Impossible Routine
Sometimes the logistics of dating can be a nightmare, and not being able to sort them out can be the thing that keeps you single. There are times in life when it’s harder to have a romantic life than others, for example, if you’re busy at work or you have a lot going on with family. But those times shouldn’t carry on forever. Eventually, if you are interested in having a relationship, you have to make time and space for one in your life.
12 She’s Too Scared To Deviate From Her Plan
Life doesn’t always go according to plan. In fact, it almost never does. Refusing to stray from the initial plan you carved out for your life could mean you miss out on some exciting, unplanned opportunities, and that goes for your love life too.
Who cares if the person you have feelings for isn’t what you (or your parents) were expecting?
A relationship might look completely different from what you thought it would look like, but that doesn’t mean it won’t make you happy.
11 She Feels Like She Has To Rescue People
When you have a big heart, it’s easy to fall into the trap of rescuing other people and forgetting about yourself. But when it comes to love, you can’t afford to forget about your own wellbeing just because you’re looking after another person. It’s fine to support the person you love and to help them however you can, but you can get yourself in trouble if you get caught up in trying to rescue someone. It’s not your job to save other people—they have to save themselves.
10 She Seeks Validation From Her Partner
You might find that you’re constantly feeling unsatisfied with your relationships because you’re seeking something from other people that you should really be giving yourself: validation.
It’s normal to seek approval from others, but it’s a better idea to work on becoming a person that you like and approve of, not someone that your partner likes.
Relying on others to validate you isn’t great for your self-esteem gives them too much power and opens you up to being hurt and unfulfilled.
9 She Believes Nobody Would Be Interested In Her
Having healthy self-esteem is a big part of having successful relationships. If you believe that nobody worthwhile could possibly be interested in you, the chances of you having a happy relationship aren’t high. With a negative attitude like that, you’ll repel people who are probably really good for you and will attract people who like to be with girls who have low self-esteem. And trust us, that’s not the kind of person you want to date.
8 She Believes All The Good Ones Are Taken
Another negative belief that’s probably going to ruin your chances at finding real love is that all the good partners are taken. It may seem like it when you’ve been dating a while and haven’t found anyone you’ve really liked, but that’s not true.
With 7.7 billion people who exist in this world, it’s just not true.
If you allow that attitude to dominate your thoughts, you probably won’t notice when someone good does actually come along!
7 She’s Hung Up On Her Ex
Being hung up on your ex is one good way to stop your love life from ever getting better. It’s one thing if your ex is your true love (although pining for someone and never doing anything about it never helped anybody), but if things are well and truly over, you have to get over your ex in order to move on. It will probably hurt for a while, and it’s okay to miss them. But if you want things to move forward in your love life, you have to be prepared to leave the past behind.
6 She Doesn’t Learn From Her Mistakes
The chances of you having a thriving love life aren’t high if you don’t learn from your mistakes. We all mess up in relationships, but what matters is whether or not you learn from the experience.
If you keep repeating the same errors over and over again, you probably won’t ever have the kind of happy relationship you’re craving.
That is the beauty of mistakes—they teach us lessons! And the things we learn should help us to find happiness in our love lives, but we have to pay attention.
5 She Doesn’t Know How She Deserves To Be Treated
You could be the reason why you can’t seem to find happiness in your love life if you don’t know how you deserve to be treated.
If you accept people treating you poorly, then you’re probably going to find yourself in relationships again and again that make you unhappy and keep you unfulfilled, because you’re not demanding anything better.
Know your worth before you hit the dating scene, so you know immediately when someone is wasting your time.
4 She Puts Too Much Into Relationships Without Getting Anything Back
Relationships are a two-way street. They require work and effort, but it becomes a problem when you don’t get anything back for everything you’ve put in. You do have to put yourself out there, but don’t feel like you have to go out of your way and bend over backward for people who won’t meet you half way. If you keep doing that, there’s a chance you’ll end up resenting love in general and close yourself off altogether.
3 But She Also Won’t Put Herself Out There
Repeat: you do have to put yourself out there if you want a successful love life. If you know someone who fell in love and has a great relationship without putting themselves out there at all, in reality or online, treat them like the exception.
Consider yourself the rule, and know that love doesn’t commonly fall into people’s laps.
You have to go out there and get it. It can be intimidating to put yourself out there, but it’s worth it.
2 She Imposes Too Many Boundaries On Her Partner
Being too controlling in a relationship more often than not results in scaring your significant other away. And if you don’t scare them away, you’ll probably make them resent you on some level.
Always imposing tight boundaries on the person you’re with may seem like a way to guarantee that they’ll be faithful and treat you well, but it usually has the opposite effect.
When everyone’s an adult, everyone should be free to make their own choices.
1 Dating Is Not A Priority
The thing that you might be doing to sabotage your own love life is not making dating a priority. We’re not saying to forget everything else and become obsessed with your own love life, but if you care about it, you have to act like you care. If you don’t make it a priority, it probably won’t end up being successful. Try to come up with a schedule that allows you to make time for dating as well as the other things that are important to you.