Trust — it’s one of the most important parts to a healthy relationship, but it is also one of the most difficult parts to figure out. We want to believe everything is as it is; we want to have that 100 percent trust in our partner, but sometimes, it’s just hard to figure out if all the facts are truly being presented.
And then, once that little seed of doubt plants itself in your brain, it is all you will think about. Little else matters. You have to figure out if your man is telling the truth or if he’s likely gotten really good at deceiving you. Though a women’s intuition is a great power we ladies have, there are times our heart will fight what our gut is so desperately trying to tell us and we will begin our journey to uncover the whole truth.
We are in no way advocating for this type of skepticism in a relationship. We’re just saying, we have been there, we know it sucks, and we are here to help. There might be something going on with your guy or you might be paranoid. If you just aren’t sure, take a look at how he behaves. If your man is hiding something from you, he will likely begin to subconsciously do several of the things from this list.
20 He Gives Too Many Details
It might seem like a really wonderful thing when your guy shares all the little details about his day. He knew the colors of the wall at the restaurant he went to with his friends, he knew what his friend was wearing, and so on and so on.
Wait a minute, though. A man giving this much detail could just be a tactic at covering up the truth. “If he’s telling a story and you notice he’s peppering it with insignificant details, that’s a warning sign,” explained Janine Driver, president of the Body Language Institute in an interview with Cosmopolitan. “This is especially true if you detect a lot of pauses, because it means he’s trying to come up with more facts.”
19 He Puts His Hands In His Pockets
Your body language will almost always give you away if you’re lying, and this is no different for your boyfriend. Watch what he does with his hands.
“When a person suddenly buries his hands or even touches one body part to another, like holding the back of his neck, it could be his way of comforting himself because he knows he’s doing something wrong,” stated Driver, to Cosmopolitan. Take into consideration, though, whether standing with his hands in his pockets is a normal occurrence. If it isn’t, it could be a sign he is hiding something.
18 He Unintentionally Acts Guilty
If someone is acting guilty, it is usually because they are guilty. If a guy responds to simple questions with defensive or nervous answers, he could be keeping something from you and struggling to maintain the physical mask.
According to Madame Noire, “If he starts sweating, fidgeting or suddenly just seems jumpy for no reason, his guilty conscience is projecting itself, and you’ll be able to see it.” He can say anything he wants to say, but his subconscious body language is going to send out more clues than the words coming out of his mouth.
17 He Keeps His Answers Short
When he keeps his answers as short as possible, it’s time to be concerned. One-word answers simply do not cut it in relationships. If he is seriously limiting his responses, it could be because he is scared of accidentally saying something wrong, telling on himself or giving away the wrong details.
He doesn’t want to get caught in a lie. He likely figures the more he talks, the more information you’ll dig for. If you find it difficult to get him to talk about a certain subject, it’s probably because he wants to keep you in the dark on that one.
16 He Doesn't Look Straight In The Eye When Speaking
Eyes really are the window to the soul. It’s easy to fake a smile and pretend everything is all good; it’s harder to control what your eyes are saying.
If a man isn’t looking you in the eyes during an intense or important conversation, it’s more than likely because he doesn’t want you to see the truth. His eyes could be full of fear when he’s spitting out lies. Eye contact during conversations signifies you are focused, attentive and 100 percent invested in the moment. A person full of deceit doesn’t exactly want to be all in the conversation.
15 He Answers Questions With A Question
Answering a question with a question is the perfect tool for stalling a conversation. It buys time to figure out what you’re going to say or what lie you are going to come up with.
If a man is using this method, intentional or not, he is deflecting away from the truth. He is likely trying to turn the table back to you or shift the conversation away from a touchy subject. “if he refuses to answer a direct question at all, it’s probably because he can’t think of a lie fast enough, so he simply won’t answer,” explains Madame Noire. “When a person is being forthcoming and truthful, he won’t feel the need to refuse to answer a question, and the answer will be immediate.”
14 He Becomes More Secretive
When a man is hiding something, his usual habits are going to change. Take notice on if your guy starts becoming a more closed-off or secretive person. Has he become a more private individual?
Most couples want to share every little thing when they are totally in love. If one person in the relationship is hiding something and acting secretive, distance is being created. Did your guy used to be an open book, but is now overprotective about his “privacy?” This usually means something is off and being hidden from you.
13 He Appears More Nervous Than Usual
Typically, when a person is lying, they will start to behave in a more nervous manner. Nerves have a way of coming through even if the person doesn’t wan them to. It is true, that some people are truly nervous by nature, so you’ll need to look for an increase to the norm.
Liars like to hide. They want to direct attention from themselves and their bodies in a way to avoid giving away too many details. Signs of nerves could be something like turning their head away when asked a question or hiding their face with their hands.
12 His Eyes Shift When He Answers The Tough Questions
According to Life Hack, a person lying will use the opposite side of their brain that they would when trying to remember actual facts. When answering a question, a person’s eyes will shift toward the side they are accessing information from.
“You can use this to spot someone lying by watching his or her eye movement shift when answering a question,” explains Life Hack. It is true, there is no 100 percent guarantee to this specific hack, but it can help determine some suspicious behavior. Life Hack further explains what to look for; a movement to the left is a lie, a movement to the right is searching for memory.
11 His Body Doesn't Face Forward When Chatting
If he’s not looking at you when you’re having a conversation, he’s trying to hide his subconscious body cues from you. He will likely start to shift his body another direction away from you when talking to you about something he has to lie about.
“Instead of using his arms as a mode of defense, he just completely shuts the door on you by turning away,” explained Relationship Rules. Someone who has nothing to hide won’t be afraid to open his mouth and his body toward you during the discussion.
10 He Starts Lashing Out A Lot
A man desperately trying to hide something might be on edge a lot more than usual and take up defense toward even the simplest questions. Asking your man where he’s going or who he’s going out with really are normal and natural questions to ask a significant other. But if your guy takes offense to it and thinks you are probing, it is likely because he is hiding something.
His guilty conscious is probably catching up to him and he’s struggling to maintain composure in front of you. His fear of you finding out his lies are revealing itself in anger.
9 He Fidgets During Alone Time
We know a person caught up in lies will eventually start showing signs of nerves around the person they are lying to. His hidden secret is putting a lot of pressure on him causing him to become restless around you.
According to Relationship Rules, “there’s so much energy inside of him that he wants to release somehow.” He’ll need to relieve all that pressure, and he’s going to have a hard time sitting still. A person with nothing to hide will obviously behave in a more calm manner. Again, take note on what is normal behavior from him before deciding if fidgeting is a sign of lies, though.
8 He Shuts Down
It’s typical for a guy under a lot of stress to shut down. However, if his defense mechanism when talking to you is to completely shut down emotionally, that’s not something to ignore.
He could be in perfect agreement with you to get you to leave him alone, or he could not respond at all – both are means of shutting down. If he shuts down at the slightest sign of confrontation, something is up that you aren’t savvy to. Silence is never okay during important relationship communication. Both parties have to engage. When he is shut off, it could mean he doesn’t want to share information with you for a big reason.
7 He Makes Others Feel Self-Conscious
A guy with something to hide is going to try to deflect the attention off of himself and put it on another person. More times than not, this person is probably going to be his partner.
When the guilt from the lie starts to become overwhelming, he is going to try to make it seem like you are the one doing something wrong. If he turns the tables on you, maybe you’ll start focusing on your own flaws instead of his. It’s never okay for your significant other to make you feel bad about yourself. It’s a defense mechanism used for someone hiding something.
6 He Keeps His Phone Real Close To Him At All Times
This one should be obvious. Phones hold so much private information; it can be scary if a stranger gets a hold of it. But in a strong relationship, a man isn’t going to be overly protective of his phone. He isn’t going to be afraid of you opening it.
If your guy suddenly starts keeping his phone real close to him at all times, he’s got something to hide. There is no reason he needs to take his phone with him to take a shower. Watch the way he sets his phone, if it is always facedown, that could be another sign he’s hiding something from you.
5 And Checks It A Lot More Than Normal
Aside from keeping his phone closer to him than usual, he will probably start checking his phone more often, too. If there is something to hide on his phone, he’s going to want to make sure he takes care of it before you see it unintentionally.
He’s going to get touchy when it comes to his phone. This will be a huge sign he had something to hide from you. "They receive text messages at odd times and get defensive when asked about them, or they say they are from someone about something that doesn't make sense," says Ross. "This is the classic telltale sign and coverup, and the phone is the primary method of communication."
4 He Avoids Spending Quality Time Together
If he doesn’t have to spend alone time with you, you won’t be able to find out he’s hiding something from you. It’s really as simple as that. If your guy is avoiding hanging out with you, it’s a big red flag.
How can your relationship prosper if you don’t spend quality time together? If he’s come to this tactic, your relationship might not last for much longer. "You may notice it's hard to pin them down about time together or planning," explains couples therapist Tracy Ross to Buslte. "If they can avoid time with you, they think they may be able to avoid the guilty feelings or the potential for something to slip out."
3 His Throat Gets Very Dry
The body can’t fight certain nervous reactions. A big one for guys with something to hide is that their throat will get dry. We know, it sounds weird, but it’s so true. Keeping something from you is going to make him nervous. According to Cosmopolitan, “his body actually goes into freak-out mode.”
“When a secret is big enough that he’s worried he may lose something important if it’s revealed, research shows that his esophageal muscles will start to constrict, causing his throat to dry up,” says body language expert Janine Driver, for Cosmopolitan. If he starts swallowing a lot during the conversation, it’s because he’s trying to loosen those throat muscles. Pay attention to the topic when this happens.
2 He Starts Biting His Fingernails
Nail biting is basically like Nerves 101. According to Relationship Rules, “Psychology has stated that the act of biting fingernails is a sign of insecurity or anxiety.”
If he’s hiding something important, he’s going to be anxious and he is likely to start biting on those finger nails. We know that a lot of people bite their nails as a natural bad habit, but if he newly develops this bad habit, there’s a reason behind the biting and that reason could be he’s hiding. Pay attention to what topics make him bite those fingernails out of nerves, this could provide a clue to what he’s hiding from you.
1 He Becomes Very Distant
Distance doesn’t only mean physical space. A guy can be there in the room with you, but not present in the moment. When a guy starts lying and hiding, a lot of his energy will be focused on maintaining the lie and preventing the person from finding out.
He won’t have much energy left to dedicate toward the relationship. A guy with something to hide is likely going to become distant emotionally and mentally, too. If he doesn’t share anything of value with you, you won’t be able to read anything from his words or body.
References: Bustle, Relationship Rules, Cosmopolitan, Life Hack