Beauty standards might be ridiculous, but in general, things have started to shift. Nowadays, the rise of accessibility and the celebration of differences seem to be creating a more diverse beauty field (and social media feed).
It’s a great time to be alive, and an even better time to introduce ladies everywhere to the world of beauty. But what about all those ridiculous standards they're still working through? Believe it or not, they seem to have morphed into something entirely new.
Skincare companies and beauty brands have begun crafting ridiculous beauty products, and shoppers are super confused by most of them. They might understand where brands are coming from in some cases, but some of these ideas just totally miss the mark.
Average beauty-loving babes are not necessarily interested in the extremes that the beauty companies have decided to create. But they are interested in the extreme products that they’re pushing.
Everything from questionable creams to super stretchy wrinkle-guards grace this list in an effort to sum up the most ridiculous, confusing, and hilarious beauty products that are on the market today.
They might not get most average folks totally photo ready, but they’re certainly good for a laugh... or a snack, in some cases.
We’re big, big fans of cream cheese. We’re the kind of people that ask for three extra cream cheese packets at Starbucks. We only eat celery as a way to ingest canoes of cream cheese. But smearing it on our face? MTV reported on this “Dream Cream,” and we had two initial thoughts about it. First, how edible is it?
And second, who on earth had the idea that cream cheese would be the next big skincare game changer?
To be fair, there is some science behind it. MTV writes that the formula is a “blend of cream cheese and proteins for firmness, elasticity, tight pores and smooth skin.” Still no word on whether we can top our bagel with it after.
How many of us are tired of paying five to ten dollars to get our eyebrows threaded once every two or three weeks? Believe it or not, there are enough people out there who are so done with the continuous cost that they’ve decided to create a home threading system. Youtuber MyPaleSkin tested this product out, and the results were honestly a little worrying. This is an intense machine! Resulting in a flinch and a loud expletive when she tested it on her arm hair, folks that are used to the pain of threading might be able to deal with it a little more delicately.
Honestly though: we’d rather spend the five bucks for a professional’s hand rather than risk taking off half an eyebrow.
Snail goo: the best-kept hack in the beauty world? We’re not so sure we believe the hype, but the reviews seem to be good. Bustle quotes one particularly glowing review as saying, “I have sensitive skin along with acne-prone, combo, hyper-pigmentation, and this cream has significantly helped all of these problems.”
We’re sure that it’s got some great enzymes inside of it, but we don’t think we’d ever be able to use it.
The image of placing snails onto our face is just too strong. We know that the cream has already extracted the goo from the snails, yes. But those slimy images are something we just can’t shake.
Fans of Safiya Nygaard’s youtube channel will remember fondly that time that she tried this DIY mask machine. The internet is full of recipes for face masks, but none of them are quite as intense (or as solid) as this little robot makes. Looking almost like a Google Home, Nygaard begins the process by pouring in a bunch of stuff: yogurt, extracts, juice, and the required amount of collagen. Some mechanical noises happen and before we can say “I, robot” this machine has printed us a custom face mask.
Honestly? We’ll stick with our Sephora sheet masks. DIY is fun, but it looks more like melted gummy bears than a rejuvenating mask.
MyPaleSkin did another video, and this time she reviewed a product that’s been popping up on many of our social media feeds. Blackheads and pore clogging is a constant battle. Oil, grease, and general pollution make for some icky and sticky face pores.
Why bother using charcoal washes and pore strips when we can just suck all the gunk out?
MTV pointed out that this vacuum is the latest in a long line of skincare contraptions, but not necessarily one that will stick around. MyPaleSkin’s review was also a little hesitant. While some love this little vacuum, we can’t help but raise an eyebrow.
After vacuuming the face, it’s only natural to iron the face. That To Do list full of chores never really ends, does it? Though, in this case, there’s definitely a finite amount of wrinkles that we can iron, making it a shorter addition to the chore wheel. MTV revealed that this invention was created by OMNI and “it uses heat to apparently banish your crow’s feet, fine wrinkles and eye bags.” The logic is, in a way, sound.
After all, clothing irons do a great job of making our shirts look good. Maybe this invention isn’t so ridiculous after all!
There’s so much progress being made in the scientific sphere of wrinkle-reduction. We’re not super sure where this face strap fits into that progress, but it still exists!
This is a wrinkle-reducing option that doesn’t require putting a heated tool next to our eyes or dropping snails onto our face.
Guff revealed that the Kogao Face Belt is meant specifically for reducing the sagginess of our chins. This trainer is meant to tighten up any loose skin that might be forming. Our biggest complaint is the fact we can’t take cute selfies in this thing. A face mask is great for selfie-ing. But this? Even its pink hue can’t save our selfies.
Finally, a solution to one of life’s greatest trials. We’ve all been there. We’re having a Self Care Sunday with face masks and bubble baths. We notice our hands are a little dry, so we slather them in moisturizing cream. While waiting for it to sink in we decide to pick up our phone, only to have it slip through our moist fingers and fall into the bathtub. If only there was a way to keep texting while getting the moisture our hands so desperately crave. Bustle reveals that, in fact, there is a way to save our phones from bubbly destruction.
These moisturizing gloves are pre-filled with gooey cream, allowing us to just slip on and go. Now we can moisturize without getting goo on everything. Thank goodness.
It’s not often that we say this, but we seriously just can’t even with this product. The adorable tomato design is a great metaphor for what our lips will look like after, minus the sprig of green on top. We’re not sure exactly how this product works.
Narcity listed it as a lip plumper, so we assume it’s reminiscent of the Kylie Jenner cup trick that plagued young folks everywhere a few years ago.
Hopefully the suction isn’t as strong and offers a more subtle natural plumpness to our top and bottom lips. We do appreciate the fact that there are some potentially cute selfies that could come from this tomato design too!
For anyone who hasn’t heard of dry brushing, it’s basically exactly what we all think when we hear the title. The process consists of taking a stiff, dry brush and doing short, circular strokes up our body. Allure explains, “the firm bristles of the brush give your skin a thorough exfoliation while the pressure helps to stimulate your circulation and, yep, lymphatic drainage.”
While Allure’s beauty guru liked it well enough, we’re not certain that we need a full kit of various brushes in order to reap the benefits of this popular trend. It’s essentially just a firm exfoliation, and one brush should be more than enough.
Youtuber StyleByBare’s face says it all, doesn’t it? The vibrating beauty blender is based on some decent logic. Namely, if the goal is to spread around our foundation more efficiently.
MTV reports that one of the specific brands created a version of this contraption says that it, “works by pulsing 15,000 times per minute against [our] skin to mimic a super bouncy blending technique that's supposed to give [us] an airbrushed look.”
If it works, sign us up. Doing our makeup in the morning is a trial unto itself, and any tasks that we can outsource to wee vibrating robots sounds like a great plan.
Refinery29 revealed this mathematically-sound contraption, built for all of us who struggle with getting our cat eyeliner wings even. Offering a guideline for several different liner styles, this stencil seems to work in a similar way to an art stencil. We place it in line with our lashes, and then we paint in the eyeshadow, liquid liner, or pencil liner. We don’t know if this could actually help those that might have an unsteady hand, or if it just makes for an awkward one-size-fits-all attempt at winged liner.
The best part? We could keep it in our geometry kit at school and it likely wouldn’t look out of place.
If it’s good enough for Ariana Grande, it’s definitely good enough for us. We’re waiting for the day when we get to try this product, so we can see just how easy it is.
Glamour discusses the MAC Cosmetics roller liner, though there have been a few other brands that have since copied the applicator method.
Hello Magazine reveals that this eyeliner is actually a soft roller, perfect for soaking up and applying the product. Hey, we know as much as the next person that the perfect wings can be difficult to achieve, so we won’t write off the power of the pizza yet.
Guff revealed another wild product that we couldn’t help but include on this list. The Dermaroller is one that’s been around for a while but fades in and out of popularity. Elle provides us with an expert’s opinion regarding the actual usage of the product and what it’s meant to do.
Elle’s expert explains, “a dermaroller is an instrument that creates micro pathways in the skin for product to better penetrate…[it] creates tiny pricks around the skin and gives enough space in between so the wound healing response takes over. You grow new skin." It’s only ridiculous because it sounds almost too good to be true.
Lash curlers have long been the bane of our existence. Many pinched eyelids have resulted from a traditional eyelash curler, which is part of the reason we’re kind of excited about this mascara.
The Spin Lash Mascara, as featured on Refinery29’s list of weird beauty products, features mechanization that makes the mascara wand spin as it applies the product.
We’re surprised about the practicality of this product, as it’s always an uphill battle trying to get perfectly curled lashes. Unfortunately, one slip of our easily distracted hand means we’re getting a twirling brush into the eye. This might be a product to skip for the clumsy folks amongst us.
Narcity was the one who first pointed us in the direction of the brow stamp, but MannyMUA has what we consider the best YouTube video explaining how it works. For those that don’t know, this beauty product is exactly what it sounds like. The package comes with a stamp and a brow product “ink pad” which then sticks on to the stamp. MannyMUA demonstrates on his brows, which are naturally quite dark and full. The Brow Stamp is a good idea, but it does require some touching up.
It’s also way too tempting to stamp them all over our face, which doesn’t exactly make for a selfie-ready makeup look.
This is actually a product we found from doing some research about an online beauty hack. Everyone’s seen those 1-minute videos pop up in their feeds that have fun, unique beauty tips and tricks, right?
One of the ones we watched recently had a segment that featured a homebrew armpit brightening cream.
Lo and behold, a real product for this actually exists. We’re not exactly sure when or why someone might want to freshen up their 'pits, but hey, we won’t judge. Considering the fact that this product is still on the market, there definitely seems to be some need for it.
Those of us with long hair will recognize the struggle of getting it cut. Hairdressers often either want us to chop it all off, or they barely trim the ends and still charge us full price. It’s a frustrating way to live, which is why we’re convinced that the creator of this product must have long hair. Refinery29 explains that this machine is supposed to reseal our split ends. So... Does that mean they can split open again? Did we seriously just spend almost three hundred dollars on this thing, which is essentially a machine version of restorative hair oil?
It’s not our cup of tea, but some folks might find this a hair game changer. The jury is still out.
Then again, we might not even have needed to get the Split Ender Pro if we’d invested in the Flowbee! The longstanding darling of the As Seen On TV world, the Flowbee is something that we’ve probably all heard of by now. PopSugar reminded us of this machine, which utilizes the most specific of the haircutting methods: suction. Sarcasm aside, it’s actually a really neat idea.
Combining a vacuum and an electric razor gives us this method of trimming our ends.
Plug it in, turn it on, and get ready to have the most fun haircut ever. And the best part? We can do it again and again. We might never need a professional haircut again (unless, of course, we need someone to fix one of those ‘oops-I-got-distracted’ Flowbee cuts).
It’s not just us humans who want to feel special. Our pets might be the apple of our eye, but sometimes we can overlook their beauty regimens. Dogs should get to feel pretty too; now they can, thanks to Juicy Couture’s Doggy Pawfum. This delightful scent was made with our perfect pups in mind and provides a beautiful cover for all the kibble breath and I-just-rolled-in-mud moments. It might be nice to freshen up those coats in between bathtimes, but we still think it’s a little ridiculous. After all, we don’t even buy ourselves Juicy Couture perfume.
Maybe Rover would be willing to share so we can feel beautiful too?
Sources: Refinery29, Glamour, Popsugar, Bustle, Elle