Although a girl might look at a friend who is fighting with her boyfriend all the time and think, "They totally need to break up," sometimes relationships really can be saved. A couple may really love one another and they've just gotten away from what's really important, which is mending their bond and writing a happier ending for their love story.
Since relationships are so complicated, it makes sense that what to do when things don't feel so wonderful would be, too. In the beginning, it's pretty easy to get along because everything is fresh. A new couple might be so thrilled to spend time together that even walking down the street together feels like a massive deal.
But once time goes on and they get used to each other, both partners might start to take each other for granted. And when that happens and some problems crop up, it can feel like they've reached the point of no return.
There are definitely some ways to fix what has gone wrong, just like there are some things that both halves of a couple should avoid doing when trying to salvage things.
Read on to find out about 15 last-ditch efforts to save the relationship that won't work, along with 10 that will.
25 This Won't: Blaming The Other Person For The Relationship Problems
Even if you do feel like your boyfriend is the one responsible for the tough times that you two are experiencing, you can probably guess that you don't want to tell him this.
Blaming the other person is one thing that won't work when you want to save the relationship.
If you do this, you're just going to upset him and make him think that you don't want to solve things (when of course the opposite is true). And if you blame him, he might turn right around and blame you, and it could lead to a super unpleasant conversation (or argument).
24 This Won't: Fighting About The Same Issue 24/7
You might say that you will never fight with your boyfriend, especially not about the same thing over and over again. You've seen enough couples not getting along on TV to know that this doesn't work. And yet it's easier than it seems to fall into this kind of cycle.
Do you want to make a last-ditch effort to save your relationship? If the answer is yes, then having the same fight again and again won't help matters. It's just going to make both of you even more upset. Fighting more won't solve it.
23 This Will: Learning How They Argue, So You Can Fight In A Productive Way
No couple loves fighting, but couples who are happy do learn how to fight. It sounds funny but it's totally true.
Everyone has a unique fighting style. Maybe you get passive-aggressive and don't talk to your boyfriend until he apologizes or says that it's time to talk about what has got you so upset, or maybe you like to air it all out at once and then be done with the fight. Once you learn your own fighting style and how your boyfriend argues, it can help you both have more productive fights. You two can get to the root of the problem and fix things before anything escalates.
22 This Won't: Threatening To Break Up
Sometimes it seems like, in the heat of the moment, it would be super effective to yell at your boyfriend, "If you keep talking about this we might as well just break up."
Of course, this could extend the argument or, worse, actually make him say that if that's how you feel, then maybe you should consider breaking up. And if that's not what you want, then that's going to be pretty complicated.
Threatening to break up definitely won't work when it comes to a last-ditch effort to save the relationship.
21 This Won't: Expecting Things To Get Better ASAP
Once you realize that your relationship is making you more unhappy than happy and that it's time to fix things, it would be pretty awesome if it would be all rainbows and butterflies and heart eyes right away. Unfortunately, it's going to take some time for you both to heal.
And that means that expecting things to get better ASAP isn't going to be the best way to go.
This is just putting pressure on the two of you and not being super realistic. Know that if you two want things to change, then things will, just not today or tomorrow. It took this long to get to this place, right?
20 This Will: Getting Advice From A Friend Or Family Member
It might seem like getting advice from friends or relatives would be the last thing that you want to do in this situation, but when you think about it, this could honestly help save the day (and your relationship, too).
Your friends and family are the people who know you so well that they can always predict how you're going to act and what you're going to say and feel (even if that's annoying sometimes). They might have some ideas on what you can do or how you two can heal things.
19 This Won't: Wanting The Relationship To Be Like The Beginning
Even though it sucks to think about, things do change, and that means that even a great relationship will go through some downs in the years to come. If you want to remain a couple, then you have to get used to the idea of change.
One last-ditch effort to save the relationship that won't work is wanting the relationship to feel like it did in the beginning.
Sure, it was awesome to be so happy to be together and to never have any problems. But now you two have been through a lot, and it's good to remember that. It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
18 This Won't: Trying To Spend Every Moment Together
If you're not getting along, it could actually make things worse to spend all of your time together. It seems like it would work to fix the relationship since you could chat and bond, but if you keep snapping at each other, then you could feel like there's no reason to keep trying.
Instead, it's a good idea to try to spend a bit more time together than you have been, but make sure to still take time to be on your own. This way, you won't get on each other's nerves.
17 This Will: Actually Talking More Regularly
If you're super committed to making things better, it's a good idea to talk to each other more regularly. This will absolutely save the relationship since many people agree that communication is one of the most important things for couples to do.
When you're going through a rough patch, you might be giving each other the silent treatment and not being that nice to each other, and the vibe is definitely pretty off.
When you want to create a happier vibe, a good place to start is just by chatting casually (and also about more serious stuff, too).
16 This Won't: Putting Pressure On Each Other To Change Too Much
Everyone has heard the age-old saying that trying to change someone is a pretty bad idea. It does seem like this would upset the person and make them wonder why you want them to be such a different person (even if you have good intentions and would love for them to pick up their socks or soiled clothes).
When you want to save yourself from a bad breakup and stay with the person that you love, you might wonder if you should have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about the things that you both should change. While an innocent idea, this might make him feel like you don't like the real him, and he could feel too much pressure.
15 This Won't: Threatening To Go Back To Your Ex-Boyfriend
No one wants to hear that much about their partner's ex... or, really, anything at all. You're curious but you would rather act like you are the only person that they have ever loved.
Just like threatening to break up isn't a good idea when you want to save the relationship, saying that you're going to go back to your ex-boyfriend won't work, either.
Your boyfriend will say that if you miss your ex, maybe you should date him instead, and you'll be upset because that's not what you wanted him to say at all. If you want your BF to admit that he still cares about you, then it's better to talk about that instead.
14 This Will: Airing Grievances And What's Making You Upset
It's hard to tell someone when you're unhappy with them and you wish that they would understand how you feel. But it's super important when it comes to mending your relationship.
Airing your grievances and talking about what is getting you so down will be tough and a bit awkward but it's going to save the relationship. If you two still care deeply about one another, there is really no way that this wouldn't be a positive experience for both of you since you'll get the chance to be truly honest.
13 This Won't: Saying You Should Get Married To Save The Relationship
It might seem like getting married would be such a big change that it would save your relationship and allow you to start fresh. It's definitely an exciting prospect.
The problem is that this is way too big of a change and that it will put unwanted pressure on both of you.
Wedding planning stresses out everyone who is involved and it will cause some further cracks in an already shaky bond. Instead of saying that you should become husband and wife in order to stay together, focus on staying together in general and getting along better.
12 This Will: Going On A Fun Weekend Getaway To Reconnect
It can be awesome to get away from your regular routine, even for a weekend, and this is especially true when you and your boyfriend have hidden a rough spot.
What could work when you want to save the relationship is going away together. This doesn't have to be a big expensive trip and can honestly be a weekend getaway so you two can have fun. This is all about realizing that you do get along and that there is a legit reason why you have been together for all of this time. When you get back home, it would be impossible not to carry those good vibes over and realize that it's time to fix things.
11 This Won't: Planning To Move In Together If You're Not Already Living Together
If you and your boyfriend don't live together yet, it won't work to say that you should save the relationship by getting a place together.
This is a huge step that, like getting married, could backfire and make things a lot worse.
Don't rush into anything and focus on reconnecting with each other. While it's totally on the table to get a place together in the future, it might not be the right time right now, so this is good to keep in mind.
10 This Will: Admitting You Were Both In The Wrong
It definitely doesn't work to blame your boyfriend for everything, but if you say that you feel that you played a part in these problems, he's going to appreciate it. Everyone wants to hear that the other person is taking full responsibility.
If you can admit that you were both wrong and carry equal weight here, then you can feel hopeful that things are going to work out. This proves that you two are mature enough to not point fingers and act like the other person is ruining everything.
9 This Won't: Moving Apartments If You Already Co-Habitate
What if you two already live together? When you're searching for clarity and a fresh start, it might seem like a great idea to move into a new apartment. After all, a change of scenery can do wonders, right?
The reason why this wouldn't work to save the relationship is that a new apartment really has nothing to do with why you two aren't getting along.
There is a reason why your relationship has changed and it's definitely time to talk about that and get honest instead of just moving into a shiny new place.
8 This Will: Texting Each Other And Chatting Throughout The Day
One of the first things to go when a couple is on the brink of a breakup is daily communication. This includes texting each other during the day and checking in.
You'll notice that you two don't do this anymore, and it definitely makes you feel sad. But one thing that you can do to make the relationship better is to bring back the all-day texting that you two used to engage in. It's going to remind you of the good old days and be really positive.
7 This Won't: Getting Too Negative About The State Of Things
No one would blame you for feeling like this situation sucks and you wish that you two were in a better place. At the same time, though, no one wants you to complain all the time and act like everything is falling apart.
Acting super negative all of the time could make your boyfriend think that all hope is lost and that you don't want to stay together.
You don't want him to feel that way and you're just going to get sadder if you act sad. Staying positive is key here.
6 This Will: Going To Counseling If Both Agree
Couples' counseling doesn't work for everyone, but if you both agree that it could be a good idea, then this could honestly work and stop the two of you from splitting up.
This is all about learning how to communicate with each other (at least in a healthier way than fighting).
It seems like this strategy would help you two start talking again and being nicer to each other because going to see someone would prove that you both want to work on the relationship. It's often a really good first step.
5 This Won't: Wanting The Relationship To Be Like Someone Else's
It's tough not to compare your relationship to the couples in your life who are truly happy. It's normal to feel like if you and your boyfriend could just be more like them, then everything would be coming up roses.
Maybe your sister and her husband are too cute or your best friend just found love and you figure that they're doing something right so why can't you take a page out of their books?
Unfortunately, as you know from following others who seem to have perfect lives on social media, the comparison doesn't help anyone. It's so much better to focus on the love that you two share and try to work things out.
4 This Won't: Saying If He Really Loves You He'll Do Something
Everyone has been in the situation where they thought if they could tell their boyfriend, "If you really love me, you'll stop talking to your ex-girlfriend," or something along those lines, it'll magically make everything better.
While you're definitely allowed to tell your boyfriend how you feel about his behavior, the delivery is what might upset him right now. Of course you want him to change something that is bothering you, and of course, you have every right to be upset yourself. But saying this in another way could be much more effective.
3 This Will: Doing Nice Things For Each Other Every Day
Doing each other's chores, cooking dinner for each other, running errands for the other person: these are small things but they make a difference when you're wondering why your relationship has gone off the rails.
When you do little, nice things for each other, it proves that you're still being kind to one another and thinking about the other person.
This also proves that you're not taking each other for granted and that you really want to try harder, which is really good.
2 This Won't: Taking A Break
It's totally possible that taking a break could make you actually break up or make you feel like you're getting used to the idea. And while it's also possible that splitting up is what you two need to do, if you really care about each other, then it's probably not the road that you want to go down.
Forget about taking a break because it might not be a last-ditch effort that will actually save the relationship. As you saw with Ross and Rachel (and also Rory and Logan), it can make things pretty complicated.
1 This Will: Saying You Still Truly Love Each Other
Do you still love your boyfriend? Does he say that he still loves you? When you two still love each other so madly and deeply, there is really nothing standing in your way when it comes to fixing the relationship... except maybe the two of you.
Of all the last-ditch efforts that could save the relationship, saying that you still love each other is definitely the most important.
When you can say this to each other (hopefully with a big smile on your faces), then you know that you can get through anything together.