When Dean breaks Rory's heart in the first season of Gilmore Girls, everyone remembers what Lorelai did. She totally stepped up her mom game (which was already the best, of course) and showed Rory how to truly deal with this kind of situation: wallow.
Wallowing involves a few simple things, from stuffing junk food to just facing the feelings to watching movies. It's something that dumpees do on instinct after getting their heart shattered. It's also something that people do when they've had a hard week for a reason other than splitting up with their partner because sometimes, wallowing is the only thing that feels right.
Breakups are pretty intense when they are experienced by a TV or movie character. They involve lying in bed for hours on end, lots and lots of crying, phone calls to best friends, and ice cream.
Just like there are things that are good to do after breaking up with someone special, there are things that aren't the best and will only make the wallower feel worse. That's definitely not what new singletons are going for, right? Read on to find out 10 things that all women should do after a breakup and 10 things to avoid at all costs.
20 Do: Go On A Girls Night Out
A girl's night is a must when you're going through a breakup. This is when you really need the people in your life and they want to be there for you during this time.
Make a plan to see your best friends pretty soon after the breakup and definitely make sure that it's within the first week.
This is when you feel like talking about what happened, and it's much better to do this face-to-face instead of texting for hours (but you'll probably do that, too, which is totally fine). Pick a place or restaurant that makes you happy (and eat some fries, because breakups call for fries).
19 Avoid: Texting Your Ex
Texting your ex might seem like a great idea. You want to ask what went wrong or you want to continue the argument that you two might have been having on the night of the breakup.
But, of course, this isn't the best idea. In fact, it's a pretty bad idea. Instead of texting him, consider getting rid of his number altogether so there won't be any way to contact him. The truth is that the breakup happened for a reason (or maybe even a few reasons). It might be tough to see that right now, but with some time, you will, and texting with him back and forth will only make you feel worse.
18 Do: Unfollow Him On Social Media
While some people can stay friends with someone who they have split up with, that's not really the case for everyone. It's possible that most people find this to be pretty hard and would rather cut all ties.
Something else that you should do after a breakup? Unfollow your ex-boyfriend on social media.
This will stop you from feeling like you just have to check up on him and see what he's up to. While no one would blame you for that at all and everyone does that, it's not going to make you feel happier. And getting to a happier place is totally your goal right now.
17 Avoid: Looking Up His Friends And Family Online
People go down Internet rabbit holes where you just scroll... and scroll... and scroll. You're curious about what your ex-boyfriend's friends and family are up to and you want to keep track of them. So you start going on their social media profiles and before you know it, you've spent several hours on your phone or laptop.
Yes, you're curious, but this isn't going to be healthy for you. When it comes to what to avoid doing after a breakup, looking up your ex's friends and relatives online isn't going to be a good idea. If you really want to, tell your friend or sister, and they'll stop you for sure (with some inspiring words of encouragement, too).
16 Do: Talk To Someone You Trust About How You Feel
Breakups, of course, bring up a ton of feelings. You might even be dealing with some complicated emotions, like a sense of relief because you knew that the relationship wasn't going very well, but you feel bad because you still love and care about him.
It's a good idea to talk to someone who you trust about how you feel.
This is anyone who is in your life and is a great support system. It could be your mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, best friend, coworker. As long as they help you feel better and give you some words of wisdom, talking to them will be the right next step.
15 Avoid: Watching Sad Movies Or Shows That You Watched With Him
While Lorelai Gilmore may recommend watching movies, you might not want to watch sad movies. These could make you feel much sadder than you already are. If you're going to watch a film, why not go for a comedy or some other genre of movie? You might want to be entertained and forget about your problems for a while, so this is a good thing to do.
You should also avoid watching any movie or TV show that you watched with your ex-boyfriend. This can be tough because you could share the same favorite sitcom, but for now, at least, you want to steer clear. You don't want to think about him any more than you already are.
14 Do: Think About Things You Used To Do And Adopt Them Into Your Schedule
Even couples who appreciate and respect each other's individual interest and hobbies spend a lot of time together. It's just what happens in a serious relationship. You become a unit and do things as a team.
Remember things that you used to do before this relationship and adopt them into your schedule.
This is an amazing thing to do after a breakup because it will cheer you up, give you a sense of purpose, help you figure out some goals, and inspire you. Enlist a friend if you want and it'll be even more fun. Whether you were a pilates or yoga girl and stopped going because you would go on runs with your boyfriend, or you used to bake a lot but stopped, you can definitely think of something.
13 Avoid: Dwelling On The Past And Thinking You Should Go Back To Him
Everyone has a moment (or a few) after a breakup when they think, "Was that a big mistake? Should we get back together? Maybe this is just a temporary thing."
It's normal to think that way... but it's something that you should avoid doing after a breakup. It's good to remind yourself that if you were supposed to be a couple, then you wouldn't have split up. That's honestly the truth (even if it's hard to admit for a little while after the initial breakup). Remind yourself of why it's good to be on your own and out of the relationship.
12 Do: Take Care Of Yourself, Eat Well And Do Yoga
While the movies like to show women who have gone through a breakup eating lots of ice cream and all kinds of junk food, you know that won't help you feel that great.
Eat well, do yoga (if that's your thing... and even if it's not, it could help you feel much happier) and take care of yourself.
When you're going through a tough time, it can be even tougher to make yourself eat vegetables and drink water and exercise. But, honestly, sitting at home a lot and not eating well isn't going to do you any favors. Once you stick to your healthy routine, you'll feel a lot better, and it'll become easier to continue these habits.
11 Avoid: Taking It Out On Your Friends
If a friend is engaged or in a good relationship, it's not their fault that you have gone through a breakup. Even though you might be envious of them or get upset and mad at them sometimes, it's best not to take it out on them.
Remember that everyone goes through things at different times and that it's just not your time to be in a happy relationship. Your luck will absolutely change and by this time next year, you could be in the best relationship and wonder how you ever thought that you would be on your own for a long time.
10 Do: Spend More Time With Your Family
Family is (hopefully) always there for you. They want to be there for you when you're nursing a tender heart, so it's a great idea to let them.
Whether you're an only child who is close with your parents and you have family dinners on a regular basis or you're one of many siblings who call each other all the time, these are the people who care about you the most.
There could even be a silver lining to the breakup because you could become much closer with some relatives than you were before. While of course, it would have been nice to not go through this, you can at least see a bright side to it.
9 Avoid: Asking Your Friends (Or His Friends) What Went Wrong
Sometimes a breakup is clear-cut and you know exactly what happened. Other times, it's more subtle, although it was something that you both knew was coming for a few months (or even a year) before it happened.
You want to avoid asking your friends what went wrong, or even asking your ex-boyfriend's friends. They don't know the relationship the way that you two do, and honestly, they could come up with some theories and ideas that make you feel even more down in the dumps (no pun intended). This won't be the most productive conversation so it could be best to figure out what went wrong on your own and then move on.
8 Do: Plan A Fun Trip A Few Months In Advance
While traveling, even to just a nearby city or town, might feel like too much right now, you won't be feeling that way in a few months. Something that you can definitely do right after a breakup is plan a trip that is in a few months' time.
By then, you'll be feeling better and you'll be glad that you planned it.
It can be a family or friends trip, and you can go to a favorite place that you love or explore somewhere totally new. Your friends and family will be glad that you came up with this idea, and it'll give you something fun to look forward to.
7 Avoid: Letting Yourself Get Too Negative Or Cynical
Everyone has their moments when it can feel impossible to put on a happy face, smile, and feel good. That's totally okay, but when you're going through a breakup, you want to avoid getting too negative and cynical.
This might mean that you don't see that friend who is pretty cynical as often as you usually do. She might encourage you to see things from a more negative perspective than you need to right now, so hanging out with more positive and fun people could help you a lot more. Find little reminders of what's good in your life and why you should smile instead of focusing on how hard it is to go through a breakup.
6 Do: Move On Completely And Enter A New Phase Of Your Life
When it comes to something that you should do after a breakup, this is a pretty big one: move on completely and enter a new phase of your life.
Consider this your year. You're going to have more fun, see your friends more often, say yes, go to parties, make new friends, and be open-minded.
This is a great way to get over a breakup since instead of thinking that you're not his girlfriend anymore and that your life has changed for the worse, you can think that your life has changed for the better. You're being yourself and having a great time, and there's no reason to dwell or get upset.
5 Avoid: Making Too Many Big Changes Or Decisions
Often, when a book, movie, or TV character goes through a breakup, they will make a super drastic and big change. They might move to a new place, a new apartment, quit their job, or do any number of things.
While you might have something in mind that you want to do, it's a good idea to wait a few months. You want to think it through carefully and be sure that you're not making too many rash decisions or doing something that you don't really want to do. There will always be time to make a change so it's okay to chill out for a few months and just relax.
4 Do: Sign Up For A Cool Class And Learn Something New
Has there always been something that you wanted to learn more about? The time after a breakup is always the perfect moment to sign up for a class and learn something new.
This is when you're definitely in a mode of self-discovery (or even re-discovery).
You know who you are, sure, but you feel weird because you were in a relationship for so long. You associated yourself with this person and you thought that things would continue. Now it's time to see if you could learn a new skill, like baking or cooking or photography, or just take a class on a topic that you find to be totally fascinating. This will distract you and inspire you, and those are two things that are definitely necessary post-breakup.
3 Avoid: Spending Too Much Time At Home Alone
You don't want to spend too much time alone after a breakup. This is true if you were the one to instigate the split or if you, unfortunately, got dumped.
Spending time alone will only remind you of the fact that you're on your own now. While you do have to get used to not being in a relationship, you don't want to get too sad or feel like you're too alone. Make a point of seeing your friends and family as often as you can. You can even let a friend or relative know that you're feeling lonely and want to see them a lot. Once they know that they can help you, they're going to want to be there for you and make sure that you're socializing.
2 Do: Figure Out Your Wish List For Your Next Relationship
Breakups suck but they are also learning opportunities. Something went wrong, for sure, since you ended up breaking up, but something went right or you two wouldn't have stayed a couple for as long as you did.
Think about your wish list for your next relationship.
Was there something about this guy that you would like to find in your next boyfriend? Maybe he loves spending time with his family, which you're also into, or he's a great cook and you love hanging out in the kitchen with your partner and making a masterpiece. You can also think about what you didn't get from this particular union and what you want from the next one.
1 Avoid: Dating Again Right Away
But even though you should think about your next relationship, something that you want to avoid after a breakup is dating right away (as in the next few months).
You've heard of "rebounds" and you want to make sure that the next guy that you date is right for you. It can be tough to tell if you actually like someone or just don't want to be alone right now. Be patient and focus on yourself. Have fun with your friends and family and when you feel like you've healed from this breakup and are ready, you can definitely start the search for love again.
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