If a guy doesn’t love his lady fully, completely, and honestly, then he’s not someone she should be loving. Right? Right! Sometimes love isn’t the only thing a girl should be looking at, though.
Commitment is an essential part of a relationship, just as much as love is. But how can a girl tell if someone she's committed to is just ticking all the boxes, or if they’re really well and truly committed?
Very few people want to admit when they’re not invested in a relationship. It’s not a fun conversation to have, and it can sometimes even result in the loss of the relationship that is there.
Luckily for ladies in love, there are some key signs that can signal whether or not they're in a relationship with someone who’s committed. Here are ten of the best shoulds and ten of the best should nots when it comes to commitment.
These are things to watch out for in a partner, yes, but it might also give some insight into one's own thoughts and actions. Time is precious; why waste it on a relationship that doesn’t zap both parties with passion and excitement?
Read on to find out if he’s as committed to her as she is to him, and what might be happening underneath the surface.
20 Keeping Things Hidden Means He Might Be Rethinking His Commitment
It’s an obvious one, isn’t it? How many of us have overlooked a deflected answer, a quickly swiped away text, or the assurance that a party he’s heading to alone is a guy’s night? After all, these things shouldn’t matter in a relationship where there’s a solid foundation of trust.
Psychology Today, as well as common sense, states that if he’s got untold truths, he’s doing something that he knows he shouldn’t be doing.
Unfortunately, this can mean that his commitment might be decline. Especially if he’s keeping things hidden all of a sudden! That being said, it’s important to talk to him about it; sometimes he’s only keeping things from you because he hasn’t figured out how to phrase it, yet. A conversation will help.
19 But Using The Words “With” And “Us” Are A Good Sign
Bustle reminds us in one of their articles that our language can have a big impact on our relationships. How we feel about ourselves and our partners can be gleaned simply from how we talk about ourselves and our partners. The same can be said for him, too! If he tends to talk in “together words,” his commitment is strong. For example, if he’s talking about living with each other, that’s a sign that he values the partnership. If he’s phrasing it as “moving in with me,” he might still be holding on to some of his old bachelor ways; even if the subject matter says “committed”! Singular language is a definite red flag that points towards a lack of commitment.
18 He Prefers To Share With Other People, And Keeps His Partner In The Dark
This is a tricky thing to talk about. For one thing, not everyone likes to talk about their problems. Some people prefer to process internally and don’t often share things with others. Also, sometimes he just needs to vent to his BFF; we do it, don’t we?
The issue comes up when he’s only talking to his friends, and not sharing anything with his partner.
That’s something that definitely shouldn’t happen in a committed relationship. Bustle discusses this in their article about long-term relationships. They say that we “should re-think [our] relationship because communication really can be considered the cornerstone of a healthy relationship."
17 Talking About Her Accomplishments As Much As His Own Is A Great Thing
It feels good to have another person celebrating all the cool stuff we achieve. Moms, best friends, and partners should all be tied for the top spot when it comes to celebrating accomplishments. Succeeding together is the best way to be in a relationship, and part of that success is getting to celebrate how meaningful it is. Psychology Today points out something that makes total sense, even though we never realized it before: we can tell he’s committed to the relationship if he spends just as much time talking about our accomplishments as he does his. It shows his support, as well as cementing the idea that you’re in it to win it together.
16 Keeping Radio Silent On Social Media Could Be Cause For Concern
Social media is so integrated into our lives now. Seldom do we find someone without a social media handle. Whatever their chosen method of sharing their life with the world, our partners will continue to use it during (and after) the relationship. It’s a representation of who we are and of our lives.
We document all the important stuff in our lives on our social media accounts, which should also include things like our partners.
If he’s keeping your presence out of his feed, it might be a sign that he’s not expecting things to last. Bustle reminds us that if he’s not at least starting the process of “intertwining your lives” then it’s time to have a serious talk about the future. Just don’t do it over DM.
15 Building Time Into His Schedule (No Matter How Small) Is A Big, Neon Sign For Commitment
There’s never enough time, as our still totally unchecked To Do list reminds us. For some of us, that’s simply due to a busy schedule and a demanding workload. For others, it’s because of personal obligations or needing a little more alone time in order to stay happy. Both are valid reasons to take some alone time. In a relationship, though, it’s important to make time for each other regardless of how packed your schedule is. Psychology Today reminds us that if he’s making time to walk the dog, grab lunch, or go grocery shopping together, he’s definitely committed to the relationship.
14 Flattery Is Fine, But Actions Are Where The Truth Lives
One thing that we’ve noticed throughout our relationships is the fact that words and actions don’t always line up. We’ve all heard the phrase “talk is cheap,” but nowhere is it more prevalent than in our relationships.
He might talk a big game, but if his actions aren’t lining up with his words, don’t fall for it.
Bustle agrees with us, too. Sure, the guy might talk about being together forever, getting married, and starting a life together. But if they’re showing “a lack of motivation and an unwillingness to work things out,” especially when it comes to compatibility problems, then they’re likely not as invested in the commitment as they think they are.
13 He Goes Along With Her Adventures, Even If They’re Not His Favorite
One thing that we love about our partner is the fact that they’re so willing to join us on wild adventures and new, exciting experiences. According to Psychology Today, this is a sign of real commitment! Scott M. Stanley Ph.D. writes about sacrifice being a sign of commitment. He says, “some types of sacrificial behavior are reliable indicators of commitment, such as...Your partner will do fun things that you know he or she does not like as much as you do.” So, the next time your partner comes with you to the library, Sephora, or on that super high Ferris wheel, appreciate the fact that they really are doing it out of love.
12 Lying About Where He’s Going Or Who He's With Is A Bright Red Flag
We talked about keeping things hidden before, but this is a whole new level of sketchy. Sometimes things aren’t kept maliciously. We might forget to mention something, or we might never find the right time to share a fact or piece of information about ourselves.
Nobody should have that held against them, especially if they’re forthcoming with the truth and willing to have a conversation about it.
The big thing to remember, though? Actively lying is a big, red flag for us, and that’s different from forgetting to mention something. If we ask our partner who they’re with, and they say “no one” when they’re actually with a friend (or an ex), we can’t help but wonder why they have to hide, and why they’re disrespecting us by doing it.
11 Reaching Out Just To Chat Means She's On His Mind
Those of us who like a little more attention will know just how much this means in the grand scheme of a relationship. When we’re casually seeing someone it can sometimes be easy to forget about them. They’re just not an integral part of our lives. When we are committed and connected to someone, it feels like they’re all that we think about. These feelings can totally be applied to him as well. If he’s reaching out just to chat, it means that you’re on his mind. That’s a classic, common sense point that basically screams “I’m committed to us.”
10 But Needing To Know Her Whereabouts 24/7 Isn’t Healthy
Psychology Today points out that there can be a turning point when it comes to attention. In an article about jealousy, they outline the fact that needing to know where your partner is 24/7 can be a sign that trouble is brewing.
Or, rather, that trouble has brewed and is currently sitting on the kitchen counter.
Psychology Today provides a quote about those that turn to this kind of control: “they feel a loss of personal value and rather than do something that will make them feel more valuable, they do something that will make them feel more powerful." We should be aiming for empowering relationships, not power-driven ones.
9 He’s Comfortable When Discussing Past Events And Major Life Moments
We get it: getting trapped in the past is a bad thing. The path to enlightenment is paved through the goals of the future, and we’re certainly the first ones to admit that we should be living in the present to get there. Being able to share all the parts of ourselves, including those less ideal parts in our past, is important when it comes to communicating our needs and wants. Bustle mentions that we can tell when a partner is thinking long-term when they’re ready and willing to talk about the struggles in the relationship and ways to improve/overcome them. It’s hard to do that without contextualizing it within our other relationships, and the trial and error that those held.
8 In Fact, Avoiding Any Talk Of Exes Could Be A Negative
While Psychology Today reminds us that we can’t control a person’s past (and shouldn’t let it define them, either) it’s a little disheartening when a partner doesn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of past relationships.
Our past is a part of us, and our experiences serve to shape who we are as people.
This is especially true when dealing with past events coming back to affect us in the present. If he doesn’t want to hear about things that you might need to talk about, we’re calling that a sign that he might not be as ready for a serious commitment as he thinks he is.
7 Standing Up For Us In Front Of Others Is Awesome
Allyship is important, and it’s especially important when it’s between friends and families. Whether this is a random encounter on the street or less-than-playful teasing between friends, it’s important to have somebody on our side when we feel like we can’t speak up. When a partner stands up for us it makes us feel like we can do anything. We’re protected and prepared to handle any negative energy sent our way. The fact that they’re willing to do that standing says tons about their commitment. After all, they wouldn’t be standing up if they didn’t care, right? It’s just logic!
6 And Any Kind Of Hurtful Comments Shouldn’t Be Taken Lightly
This should be obvious, right? Not necessarily, especially for those of us that have a rough and tumble sense of humor. We know that we think playfully teasing comments are healthy.
But not everyone does, and it’s not always possible to tell when that playful teasing turns into out-and-out meanness.
Bustle reports that it’s understandable to find these brusque moments and playful teasing fun during the honeymoon phase, but too often they can lose their happy tone as we phase out of that honeymoon mindset. While it isn’t necessarily a note on commitment, sometimes it’s nice to have the reminder that we shouldn’t put up with a mean partner.
5 He Embraces Discussions About The Future, Needs, And Wants
We cannot stress enough how important conversation is when it comes to building a successful long-term relationship. Commitment can come in many forms, but honesty and open communication are pretty good standards to have in any kind of committed relationship. Bustle says it best when they say, “when someone is planning on sticking around, they'll want to iron out issues, arguments, and fights, not only for the health of the relationship, but because they'll want things to be better in the future.” We definitely agree and call this kind of future talk a clear sign that commitment is on his mind.
4 Going Through Her Phone Is A Major Sign Of Mistrust
Psychology Today has a great article on jealousy, which is usually the emotion that’s driving this action. Privacy is important, even in a relationship.
Of course, it’s not even the fact that most people have things to hide on their phones; rather, it’s about the principle of it.
To quote Psychology Today, “most people convert the discomfort [of jealousy] into anger, which they regulate by trying to control a partner,” like by going through their phone without their knowledge. It’s a big red flag, and mistrust is a sign that commitment is probably not going to be sustainable in the long-term.
3 He Makes Space In His Life For Her
One thing that surprised us when we were learning about signs of commitment in relationships is the fact that the acceptance of personal items can have just as much of an impact on a person feeling accepted in the relationship. Bustle says, "people who want to build a future together blend their lives—they don't keep them separated," and we believe that extends to the stuff in our lives as well; especially when we’re taking the plunge and moving in together. The fact that he might not be willing to trash his old, leaky coffee machine in order to make space for your new Keurig 2.0 might just be a sign that he’s not expecting things to last.
2 He Talks About Taking Breaks Or Imagines A Single Future
It’s not just the subconscious language that can signify his commitment levels. How he talks about the future is a big indicator as well, and one of the biggest clues we have that something might be amiss is the way he talks about his future.
Bustle reminds us that if he’s talking about his future and his plans, it’s likely that this commitment isn’t headed for future happiness.
There’s a part of him that’s still thinking about singlehood, even if he’s happy spending his time with you. Not to mention talking about taking a break; that’s really item number one on the list of what shouldn’t be done in a committed relationship.
1 He Keeps Choosing Us Every Day, Regardless Of Other Options
At the end of the day, there’s only one thing that he really “should” be doing in a committed relationship. Regardless of what we might read about gifts, love notes, and other physical confirmations of love, the only thing essential to a committed relationship is each partner’s commitment. Committing to each other is a choice, and that’s a choice that needs to happen every day, moment to moment. If he keeps putting in the effort to make the relationship keep working, that’s a surefire sign that this person is committed. Now the trick is to reciprocate it! After all, commitment is a two-person dance.
Sources: Bustle, Psychology Today