Relationships can be amazing experiences if we are with the right people, otherwise they can just have us feeling stuck. Sometimes we stay in relationships and pretend that we are happy because we aren’t sure what we want.
Sometimes, it’s just easier to pretend that we are happy in a relationship until we decide what we are going to do about the future. We might also not want to hurt the person we are with, especially if it’s a long-term relationship or marriage. It sucks pretending to be happy, though, and it’s not something that any person can allow to go on for too long. After a while, our true feelings will show in our actions.
So why do people do this to themselves? "Some people really struggle with change and the simple thought of splitting their lives apart really unsettles them," Jenna Birch, CEO of Plum dating app and author of "The Love Gap," tells Bustle.
We have the signs that will tell us whether a guy is happy or not. Check out these 10 signs he’s only pretending to be happy (+ 10 she’s faking it too).
20 He’s Unhappy: Major Mood Swings
Imagine how he feels. He’s realized that he’s in a situation that he no longer wants to be in so chances are he’s going to have a short fuse at times. You may find that he’s even moody about trivial matters. He will seem happy one minute, only to lash out the next. Sometimes guys don’t have the guts to end a relationship and they will often pick fights with you in the hopes that you will end it for them. If you can’t figure out what’s making him mad or why you are fighting, then chances are he’s unhappy.
19 She’s Unhappy: Writing A Post About Her Amazing Relationship
Sometimes the only way to make yourself a little bit happy is to pretend that you are. That can come out in a social media post about how amazing your relationship is. Sometimes we feel like we have to convince others that we really are happy, even when we aren’t. Amica Graber, a relationship expert with TruthFinder tells Bustle,
"A recent study from Northwestern University found that those who post frequently about their relationship on social media are actually insecure about it."
So, if you're going through tough times in your relationship, stop looking or outside validation. It's not going to make you feel better.
18 He’s Unhappy: He Feels Like He Can’t Make You Happy
Do you ever get into arguments where he literally says that he doesn’t think he can make you happy? Bingo! Your man is not happy.
If a man is disappointed in where the relationship has gone, he may even be putting all the blame on himself. He may think that he’s responsible for your unhappiness and can’t understand why the relationship has gone downhill.
If he starts talking in such ways, you could try to make him understand that you are a team. If you can both work together, maybe the relationship can be saved.
17 She’s Unhappy: She Always Needs Space
If a girl is unhappy in a relationship, she’s going to start asking for time alone because she’s not going to want to be around her man much and she’s going to want some time to think things over.
Needing some space is normal of course, but if it’s becoming more frequent, then you might have yourself a little problem.
You have to see the reason behind why you want so much space. Ask yourself if it's because you're not happy with your partner.
16 He’s Unhappy: He Stops Apologizing
A man who is no longer sorry about the things that he does is a man who is no longer interested in his relationship. Obviously, if he cares about the relationship he would apologize when a mistake has been made. But when he’s not happy, then he’s not going to waste his time apologizing. It can be frustrating when you get into an argument, especially if he doesn’t seem to care about making up after a fight, but think about it: if he's already checked out of the relationship, then he sees no reason to fight for it or give you closure.
15 She’s Unhappy: Going Along With Everything He Says
Imagine if your girlfriend is usually an assertive person and suddenly, she isn’t. She just goes along with everything you say. That can be disconcerting because you know something is wrong with the behaviour. If she is suddenly agreeing with everything you say it can be because she’s essentially given up on the relationship and just doesn’t care anymore. That’s not a good sign at all.
A woman who has checked out of a relationship will stop expressing her needs.
She might feel like she's not being heard and will just kind of give up.
14 He’s Unhappy: The Compliments Are Gone
We all love compliments from our favourite person in the world. We want our partners to find us awesome and hilarious. We want our man to compliment our new outfit and when he doesn’t, then we start to become insecure about the relationship.
"Start complimenting him, and he'll mirror your behavior,"
suggests Relationship Advice Forum's go-to expert April Masini in a Slice article. "If you want to jog his memory of his feelings for you, try telling him he looks great, or thank him for things he's doing — and see if has just forgotten his manners, or if there's a deeper reason that he's not interested in making you feel good."
13 She’s Unhappy: She Gives The Silent Treatment
It sucks getting the silent treatment and it’s usually a huge red flag that things are going terribly. If she is shutting off contact, whether it’s via text or in person, that usually means that she’s trying to create some distance between the two of you. If you hear about some big news that she has from a friend instead of right from her, that’s usually a sign that she’s found other people to share important things with. She doesn’t want to directly tell you she’s unhappy, but she’s sending off some seriously bad vibes.
12 He’s Unhappy: He Becomes Nit-Picky
If you start feeling like you can’t do anything right in the relationship because he’s always nitpicking everything that you do, it might be because he’s on his way out the door.
This is one of the meaner ways guys show their girlfriend they aren’t happy with the relationship they're in.
He can nit-pick in a couple of different ways: he can tell you that he is super annoyed by the things that you do, even if those things never bothered him before, or he may start to pick out your flaws and start to put you down. It's toxic!
11 She’s Unhappy: She Zones Out When He Talks
When you talk with your spouse, you like it when they are paying attention to what you are saying. When a girl is unhappy in a relationship, she will start to zone out on her boyfriend. She is on her way to leaving the relationship so she is less interested in what he has to say. At this point in the relationship, she is finding her BF less interesting by the second so she doesn’t want to engage too deeply in conversation.
10 He’s Unhappy: He Forgets Important Dates
You might be waiting for your birthday in anticipation, thinking that it’s going to be off the wall. Then when the day arrives you realize that your boyfriend forgot all about it. These are events that are worth celebrating and it can be so disappointing when you realize your partner didn’t put any effort into them.
If he has no desire to celebrate these important dates with you, then it’s likely because he’s just not happy. Remembering dates shows that you care.
Constantly forgetting them is like him basically saying you're not that important to him.
9 She’s Unhappy: She Longs To Be Single Again
A girl who is not happy in a relationship will start to live vicariously through her single friends. She will start to become more interested in their dating stories and will long to be single herself. That longing comes from the desire to be “free to explore” your options. You may not voice it, and your friends may not even be aware that you feel that way but you may start to feel jealous when you hear your friends talking. It’s a way for you to escape from the reality of your relationship.
8 He’s Unhappy: He Stops Making Plans
He won’t stop making plans for himself, but he will stop making plans with you. It will seem like he has less and less time to see you. He will want to spend time with his friends more until he can figure out what to do with the relationship. In his mind, he doesn’t want to have to take you places where he has to pretend that he’s happy. He’s clearly not being straight with you about his feelings. Instead, he’s choosing to bail on the plans that you have together.
7 She’s Unhappy: She Compares Her Relationship To Others
When a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she will start to compare what she has to what others have. As Jenna Birch tells Bustle,
"When a friend tells you about something special they did with their partner or something their partner did for them, you may feel sad that you and your partner doesn't have that same passion or connection anymore."
This is the point when you may realize that the relationship is all wrong for you.
6 He’s Unhappy: His Phone Is Hidden Away
If you find that he’s being extra careful not to leave his phone near you when he leaves the room, that could be a red flag. It’s even worse if you find a phone that you didn’t know he had.
"The cell phone is usually the breadcrumbs that lead you to an affair," warns April Masini. "When your partner is flirting with other people, those relationships and that behavior will show up in texts, calls and email messages."
He might be checking out his other dating options because he's just not feeling the relationship anymore.
5 She’s Unhappy: Moving The Relationship Along Faster
When you’re unhappy, you may be thinking that if you just got to the next relationship milestone you might be happier, but that’s not likely to be the case.
“A relationship that moves at a supernatural speed should raise a few red flags," Graber says. "There is no need to rush anything in a healthy relationship."
You might want to ask yourself why you have the urge to jump from one milestone to the next so quickly. Don't overcompensate for what's really lacking in your relationship. It's better to face those problems ASAP.
4 He’s Unhappy: No More Date Nights
Maybe Saturday was always the night that you guys made sure to go together. Suddenly, he doesn’t seem to want to go out anymore. If things haven’t gotten busy in your lives, that’s one thing, says Masini, "but when there's a free Saturday night and he's just not interested in taking you out, it's because he's losing interest in the relationship."
Try suggesting a night out yourself and see what happens. If he's always saying "no" to your suggestions, it's clear that he's not keen on having good times with you or enriching your relationship with quality time.
3 She’s Unhappy: She’s Happier Around Other People
A woman who is unhappy in her relationship may start to seem like she’s always in a bad mood around her boyfriend. But as soon as they get into a group setting, it’s like her face lights up. Obviously, it’s okay for her to be happy around her friends and family too, but does she have the same energy in her relationship? If not, it's a problem.
"You might notice that they are happy with them, and not with you," Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Bustle. "They move from emotionally connected to you, to emotionally neutral with you."
2 He’s Unhappy: He Stops Taking Care Of Himself
When you first get together you want to look good for each other. You go to the gym and take care of your appearance. "When your partner stops doing that," says Masini, "he's showing you that he's not that interested in you and the relationship."
He just doesn’t feel the need to impress you any longer. Try to throw him a compliment when he does dress up for a night on the town. If nothing seems to work, he's let himself go. When that happens, he's probably let the relationship go, too.
1 She’s Unhappy: The Future Is Off The Table
When a woman is ready to leave a relationship, she no longer wants to talk about the future. Maybe you used to have conversations about what you would do in the coming years and now you don’t want to talk about it with your boyfriend.
It's worth looking into because healthy, happy couples like to talk about the future, whether that involves the next month or five years into the future.
If you're only thinking of right now, or you're planning your future without thinking of your partner being in it, then maybe your relationship has no future.
References: Bustle, Slice